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I feel great! and then...

Possibly worse than feeling awful all the time is feeling great for a while and then flaring up. Okay, maybe not worse, but incredibly frustrating nonetheless.

For the first time in years, I have felt like myself for more than a couple months. (Although, as I have come to realize, Crohn's is part of my "self.") I go places and my first thought is not whether there is a public bathroom close by. I wear heels without having to worry whether I will be able to walk the next morning. I treasure these things, which so often go overlooked, because they are not default for me, they are luxuries. For years I worried about these things almost constantly, and I had forgotten how freeing it is to be able to let those go, not entirely, but a little bit.

But then some small thing happens. I am stressed about school, rehearsals, or issues in my personal life and Myrtle begins to reflect that stress. The weather changes and my joints freeze up. I get my period and the flare that often comes with it. Or any combination of these.

And now the luxury of freedom from worry no longer exists. I go back to instantly noticing the location of the bathroom when I enter an unfamiliar building. I begin to carefully plan what I wear again; no leotards, nothing that will put too much pressure on Myrtle. I take every possible step to keep my feet and ankles warm, especially at night.

And it is so hard. Because I remember what it feels like to feel good now. I forgot for a while, all I could remember was being in flare. I don't think I could have told you how a flare differed from feeling well. Now, I am acutely aware of the differences.


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Today's prompt is to make your own "Keep Calm" poster. 
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That pretty much sums it up. Just do your best. I think this is all any of us, chronic disease or not, can expect out of ourselves. It's something I'm trying really hard to keep in mind. Just do your best. That's it.

Oh, and have you guessed what my favorite color is yet?

What would your "Keep Calm" poster say? Make one! Share it in the comments! I would love to see it!