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Love Letter to my Colon

Dearest Myrtle,

We've had our ups and downs over the past year or so. From near death to thriving life, I know it's probably been just as hard for you as it was for me. I want you to know that, while I know I often take my anger and frustration out on you, I understand that it's just not your fault. If it weren't for that pesky immune system always coming between us, our relationship could've been so much easier. Although, then I probably never would've really taken the time to notice you. So, I don't know. You tell me what's better.

You've done your darndest to keep me alive over the past few years. Like that one time, when you formed completely new pathways because you were so swollen that no waste could go through you? Remember that? I mean, it wasn't an ideal situation for either of us, but it kept us going for a while, and I guess it was a pretty smart move on your part in the end. So, thanks for that.

And now, Myrtle, we're on the up swing. Doesn't it feel lovely? Fewer arguments. Less drama. Fewer visits to the doctor, or as I like to call it, "couple's counseling." I don't feel the need to curse you everyday and you've lost all that weight you put on when we went through that rough patch. The doctor says your swelling has gone down exponentially, and I've gotta say, I've noticed the change. You're definitely slimmer and much, much healthier, which is what I really care about. Because, Myrtle, I'd like us to have a long, happy, productive life together and I'm going to need you to keep up with me to make that possible.

I'm really writing this letter because I never tell you how much I appreciate you when you're doing your job so well. It's only in the midst of a flare that you get my undivided attention. That's just not fair to you, and I'm sorry. I'll do my best from now on to make sure I send a smile or even a "thank you" your way every once in a while. Because you deserve it, Myrtle. You've done a lot for me, and it's time I start acknowledging it.

Hang in there, darling Myrtle. It may be a bumpy ride, but one thing's for sure; it won't ever be boring.

With love and gratitude,


  1. Maggie,
    This post is hilarious yet quite serious at the same time. This is an excellent coping method. I need to think of a name for my colon as well.

  2. Tim,
    You should! It's given me an entirely different way of conceptualizing my body and my disease. My friends and family even ask me "How's Myrtle doing today?"


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