Crohn's Chronicles: A blog about Crohn's Disease

Denial is a way of life for me. I’m not in pain. I didn’t get sick twice last night. I can make it through the day. I’ll be fine. I don’t need help. I could go without my medication today. I don’t need a doctor. I’m good. Today is going to be better. I'm fine. When does positivity turn into denial? Am I lying to myself when I think, “You can do it, just keep on going.”  Or am I just staying upbeat? Where is the line drawn? Call it mind over matter if you want. I’ve always felt uncomfortable with that expression. More than anything, I want a place where I can talk about my disease. No one talks. Denial is not just internal, it is forced on you. We all do it. When someone says, "It will just make you stronger in the end!" they negate and deny what I go through everyday. There is no end. It's chronic.  You blame me for my disease, blame me for letting it get this bad, when at every turn you are denying me a place to talk about it. How messed up is that? I'm starti...

Alright, I figure if I am going to do this I need to do some filling in about my life and how it is shaped by Crohn's. Here are the things that you absolutely must know about me: I am a dancer/choreographer. I am currently pursuing a BA in Dance with a double concentration in Dancemaking and Dance Studies from Columbia College Chicago. I graduate this coming May. (WOOO!!) Obviously, dancing with a chronic disease is a complicated and confusing thing.  I was diagnosed with Crohn's my freshman year of college, but had been having seemingly random symptoms for years. At the time I was attending Cottey College, a small, two-year women's college in Missouri, where I grew up. It was a rough time and, after being diagnosed and getting set with a course of treatment, I never really talked about my disease. I, like many others who face illness, was determined not to let it define me, and so I did not discuss it, or really even think about it. Eventually, this denial wreaked havoc wi...

This idea came to me when I did a google search for blogs about Crohn's Disease. I found that, while there were a few people out there posting about the disease, very few of them discussed what it is to actually live with Crohn's. Mostly, they were posting medical articles and the like. While I totally understand and appreciate the value of staying up to date on current medical findings, I have often been frustrated by the fact that no one ever talks about the actual process of living with a chronic illness. So, that's what this is going to be. I want to create a space to discuss what it is to live with Crohn's, not only for myself, but for others as well. Once we can acknowledge that Crohn's affects not only our physical, but our emotional and mental well-being, I really think life will get less complicated.