Crohn's Chronicles: A blog about Crohn's Disease

Below is small segment of my Dance Studies Research Project, "Cripping Dance: Radical Representations of the Disabled Dancing Body." It's the bit I wrote about my own work, Overwhelming Nuance (excerpted below), which, as you will see, was inspired by the feelings of denial that so often accompany disease.  Nearly four years after I was diagnosed with Crohn's, it flared massively. Lost in the idea that "my disease will not define my life", I ignored for months the signs of the looming crash. This breakdown forced me to come to terms with the reality of my disease. I suddenly understood that the idea that the mind might overcome the body just supported the willful denial of my disease. After this experience, determined to force an openness about disease in my own life, I claimed disability as part of my identity and choreographed my own "crip" coming out.

Do you ever find yourself apologizing for your disease? Now, let me clarify, I'm not talking about literally saying, "I'm so sorry, I have this disease called Crohn's." I don't think I've ever done that. I hope not, at least... I'm talking about those times when you find yourself kind of downplaying the effect of the disease or distancing it by referring to it as "this weird thing that's really hard to explain." I mean, after all, it is a weird thing, and boy is it hard to explain , but those moments always feel to me as if I'm saying "Sorry to make you listen to my really long complicated explanation of something that is deeply personal and not really your problem in the first place." It usually happens like this: Unsuspecting Acquaintance: Hey, Maggie! You want some of this food/You want to go out tonight/Some other completely innocent question? Me: Thanks so much, that sounds great... but I can't. I'm not fe...

I attended an event for my new internship with the Neighborhood Writing Alliance tonight. It was pretty incredible to see the different lives the organization has touched and to feel that I am a small part of that now. However, these types of events always build up to a slightly awkward moment: The moment when the food comes out. It was mostly finger food, lots of veggies and things. It looked wonderful, but since I was working the event I decided to stay on the safe side and just wait until I got home to eat. The last thing I needed was for Myrtle to throw a fit while I tried to garner donations for the organization. As I sat next to my fellow intern listening to the series of fascinating speakers, however, she turned to me and asked if I was going to eat anything. The question was entirely innocent and absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, but it still set my mind whirring trying to find a simple answer. Should I just come out and say why I am not eating? Do I want to take the ...